I'm finished for today Troy B |
I've been fighting with alcoholism
for 16 years now. I've been in and out of A/A for 7 years now and it took this
long for me to actually open my eyes to the fact that the program will work
if I allow it to. Everything the program has suggested is in fact simple with a
great sense of reality .It is also true that eventually the program will get to
you sooner or later. During the past 16 years I've cheated myself out of everything I had dreamed of.I didn't actually have dreams due to alcohol.I became a liar, a thief , and completely un-true to myself. The result of the years of abuse is I didn't know who I was when I finally became sober. Then the truth comes out and I was faced with a comlete disaster of the past with my personal health dwindling. I've awaken in jail not knowing what had happen on numerous occasions. Mostly driving during blackouts. My marriage ended along with friendships and some family. Finacial security came to a halt. Homelessness followed along with being hospitalized. This is only the begining to this terrible life alcohol brought me. A/A brought me back to my feet more than once however I forgot where I've been due to the disease. And then I learned about progression. During the years of drinking I went from bar fights, loss of everything that mattered to me to severe blackouts. Then the progression really picked up. I became sick physically. I could not function period in the morning. Shakes were an understatement to what I became. I no longer cared for alcohol though I could not function without it. I could no longer feel intoxicated and my body simply demanded it. This was the begining of total fear. The day eventually came when I could not afford to drink and I just went throught the withdrawals praying I would come out of it. On the forth day of not drinking I began going through Delerium tremors. I saw things that I have a hard time explaining? I actually met the devil in the form of a boar. I believed it so much I called the police and thats when the real nightmare began. I went into a seizure and had a mild stroke only to wake up three days later in the hospital. Withdrawals actually came very close to death. Progression is always waiting for me if I allow it. In any case, after all of the devastation I became sober. Really sober. I lived with a sober attitude in life, lived the steps and became honest. A/A gave me everything in life and then some. Everything that would destroy me as well. I was engaged for 3 years, loved my job with a great sense of financial security and began clearing my damaged past. Soon I was not making meetings and had a brand new life. 3 weeks later I had no fiance, no job , no home and was near death physically. One drink ended everything! I could not believe how fast the disease of alcoholism could take my life away? In an instant. One drink and say goodbye to "everything". For some we will not make it back. I'm convinced, I'm sincere, and I thank god for allowing me to hit bottom without being buried this time. I know I won't again. I've surrendered. I may not like it but I do want to live my life and will not lose to alcohol. A day at a time... Troy B |
