Eileen S I didn't do it alone

hi my name is eileen and i just celibrated 20 years sept.6 what a great gift i have been given.i started drinking at 13,i wanted to fit in.i was very tall and had red hair,my grandmother gave me a toni perm for the first day of school,was going into the eight grade i looked like clarabele the clown with the fried red hair.i would slump over so i would seem shorter.than i found a friend who had an older brother and got us beer,the change was instint,i got shorter and my hair got prettier,i was the life of the party.it was the begining of the hell that was not far down the road.my drinking became a problem fast.i started sneeking around stealing money and at 16 was out of the house,my grandmom said to get out the way i came.with the clothes on my back.stayed with friend and than at 17 found a bar that let me dance and howsel drinks.you can read between the lines,i got pregant and at 20 had a little girl,i was goingt o be a good mother and love her ,so she wouldnt be like me.my drinking got worse and iv drug use started,i did all the i nevers i smashed cars was in hospitals,fights,got beat up in relationships,went to prison.but it wasnt enough,signed papers so my daughter could get married at 15,that way i didnt have to answer to anyone,not that i was anyway,denise spent most of her life with some of the good people who watched out for her .truck stops became my bus stations.the guilt was so painful the shame was worse.before i drank my mom instilled morels in me and now i had know.i hated me and lost everyone who every meant anything to me ,i finely wound up in the street,and truly thought that was where i was going to dye.i dont know how but one day i just didnt want to be there any more,i found an old friend and she let me stay with her till i got into detox.the day i was to go i had to catch a bus,god was with me i had to walk 8 blocks,past a few bars .when i got to the bus stop so did the bus,i told the bus driver where i needed to go and i dindnt know where it was,he said get on and sit right here and i will get you there.i was so scared and sick.we got there and i have been in recovery since that day.god has been by my side all the way.my first year was with alot of help,rhab a half way house ,and the fellowship.i am married now,i have been through cancer ,hepc,i have a defibulator in my chest for my heart but i dont drink or drug.i am truly blessed.my daughter is still fighting her addiction,and i cant fix her but she knows i am here when she is ready.what a gift i have been freely given.i do the best i can,one day at a time i am now a working ,honest and loving person.life is good to me.thank you , each and everyone of you who shared your experence strengh and hope so i had this great gift given to me.

Eileen