Serenity Found Joke Page 3

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a stoned stranger standing in the pouring rain asks for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband. "It’s three o’clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was it?" asks his wife.
"Just a stoned stranger asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"NO, I didn’t-it’s three in the morning and it’s pouring out!"
"Well, you’ve got a short memory" says his wife. "Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down on a holiday and those two stoned guys helped us? I think you should help him."
The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark: "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes the answer.
"Do you still want a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here, on the swing" the stoner replies.

A drunk goes in a bar and asks for a shot of Jim Beam. The bartender pours it and the drunk pushes it aside and asks for another shot of Jim Beam. The bartender pours it and the drunk drinks it. The bartender says, "I watched what you did and I don't understand why you pushed the first one away and drank the second one!" The drunk stated," I've been going to those AA Meetings, and they said WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!!!".

Two alcoholics walk into a tavern at the same time. They step up to the bar and they each order a beer. As they strike up a conversation, they become quite excited:
Gary: Gee, you look familiar. Are you from around here?
Pete: Sure am. Lived here all my life. Grew up over on Truman Street.
Gary: Is that so. I grew up on Truman, What school did you attend?
Pete: I went to North Side Elementary and then Washington High School.
Gary: Same here! This is amazing. I graduated in 1946.
Pete: Now that is something. I graduated in '46 too! My home room teacher was Miss Arnold.
Gary: Well I'll be. Miss Arnold was my home room teacher, too!!
Just then, the phone rang and the bartender answered. It was his wife. "Are there many customers today?", she asked. "Naw", answered the bartender. "The only people here are me and the Johnson twins."

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing. So he packs up his stuff and goes out onto the ice.
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, and a loud booming voice says, "YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE!"
The drunk looks up, ignores it, and continues on. The voice repeats, "YOU WILL FIND NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The drunk looks up and says, "God? Is this God trying to warn me?"
The voice says "NO, I'M THE MANAGER OF THIS ICE RINK."

An alcoholic judge gets tired of his caseload and decides to take the afternoon off. After a few drinks, he gets on the train headed for home. While on the train, he notices that the train starts spinning and promptly throws up all over himself. Upon arriving at his home, his worried wife exclaims,"thank god you're alright. What happened to you." The quick thinking judge explains that some drunk in court threw up all over him. She says "well o.k., why don't you hop in the shower and get cleaned up" While in the shower, the wife asks the judge, "you know that drunk who threw up on you, well, what did you do to him?" The Judge responds "Uh, I umm, gave him 30 days." Wife: "You should've given him 60 because he peed in your pants too!"

Three people, one of whom was a codependent, were in line to be executed at the guillotine.
The first person stuck his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and the blade fell, only to stop an inch above the person's neck. The executioners saw it as a sign from God and so decided to let the person go.
The next person put his head in the hole, the rope was cut, and again, the blade stopped an inch above the person's neck. That person, too, was released.
As the codependent walked up for his turn at the guillotine, he turned to the executioner and said: "You know, I think I know how to fix that."

Two rednecks, Bubba and Gator, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of bud. The passenger, Bubba,said. "Lookey thar up ahead, Gator, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin these here beers!! "Don't worry Bubba" Gator said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat". "What fer?" Asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin okay?" Said Gator. Well, they finished their beers,threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sherriff said, "You boys been drinkin?". "No sir" Gator said. "We're on the patch."