Serenity Found Joke Page 1

First man: "I used to see things when I was drinking!"
Second man: "What kind of things?"
First man: "Well first there was this white rabbit...."
Second man: "Yes?"
First man: "And then pretty soon there were two huge white rabbits."
Second man: "So when did you decide to join the program?"
First man: "When they started multiplying!"

Newcomer: "My conscience finally brought me to the Program."
Old-timer: "How so?"
Newcomer: " I kept seeing this eyeball staring at me from the bottom of the glass! I'm sure it was my conscience."
Old-timer: "Probably an olive. But never mind---whatever works!"

Co-dependence to Independence---A short script:
HOW IT WAS
Wait up.
Put on the coffee pot.
Worry that it's all my fault.
Be so relieved when she comes home whole that I forget to blow up.
Think of reasons why she drinks.
Call her boss in the morning----say she's got a virus or the Black (Velvet) Plague.
Let my mood reflect hers. (She's mad, I'm mad. She's hurt, I'm hurt.)
Feel like dirt.
Feel crazy.
HOW IT IS
Don't wait up.
Let her put on her own coffee pot.
Realize it is not my fault.
Let her answer when her boss calls.
Stop looking for "reasons why."
Own my own feelings---stop being a mirror for hers.
Feel better about myself.
Feel less crazy.
Learn hope from my Al-anon friends.
REDISCOVER HOW TO LAUGH!!!

First I was addicted to alcohol....
then prescription drugs....
then nicotine....
then caffeine....
then to my own childhood as a child of an alcoholic....
then to gambling...
then to spending....
then to members of the opposite sex....
Altogether that's NINETY-SIX STEPS I'm working!

Pinnacles of denial----from hoodwinked spouses---reported to AA intergroup office:
"One irate woman called the other day and said, 'How long does it take to join your club anyway? My husband has been trying to get in for months, and he keeps telling me you're full--- his name is STILL on the waiting list!' "
"A long-suffering (too long) husband phoned and said, 'Is there any way you can cut your dues? My wife tells me she's been having a hard time saving enough money to join!' "
(Both spouses were set straight)

An alcoholic was undergoing a physical examination. When his friendly doctor requested that he hold out his arm at full length, he did so. His hand shook wildly.
The doctor asked, "Are you still drinking a lot?"
Still shaking, the patient responded, "I've cut way down. I don't drink a third of what I used to.... I spill most of it!"

A man goes to the doctor with two severely burned ears. "How in the world did this happen?" the doctor asked. The man said, "Well doc, I must confess, I likes to drink a few when I get home from work. Last night I came home from work and had my usual few drinks, and was sitting on the sofa having another. My wife wanted to talk to me and iron at the same time so she set up the ironing board next to the sofa. Well doc, the phone rang and without thinking I picked up the hot iron instead of the phone and pressed it against my ear."
"That explains the one ear," the doctor said, "but what happened to the other one?"
"The damn fool called back!" the man said.

A sponsor and his newcomer were at a meeting when the newcomer suddenly collapsed, went into cardiac arrest and fell to the floor. The paramedics arrived, performed CPR and brought the newcomer back to life. "My GOD!", said the sponsor. "I thought we had lost you". The newcomer looked up and told his sponsor, "I believe I was actually dead for a short time. I saw a bright light and felt myself basking in the light of my higher power. I'm sure it was heaven. It was an amazing experience!" "What was heaven like?" asked the sponsor. The newcomer smiled and replied, "Well, I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is that in heaven they have a huge speaker meeting every Thursday night. All the greatest AA speakers that have passed away speak there". "And the bad news?", asked the sponsor. The newcomer looked his sponsor in the eyes and replied, "The bad news is that you're the speaker next week".